How to Let Go of Perfectionism and Find Freedom in Imperfection

My brother is building a house. It’s going to be beautiful—if he ever finishes it. You see, my brother is a perfectionist. He insists on completing every task himself. In fact, he’s taken the term “self-build” to dizzying new heights. And honestly? That’s fine. It’s his passion project, and he’s in no rush. He’s enjoying the process.

But what if he approached every area of his life this way? Imagine the time, energy, and mental health that would drain away. The never-ending tasks. The overwhelming feeling of nothing ever being “good enough.”

Sound familiar?

Here’s the thing: I get it. I was a perfectionist too. (It runs in our family!) Like my brother, I wanted to get everything just right, no matter how much time or energy it took. But here’s what I learned: perfectionism isn’t sustainable. It’s not freeing or empowering. And the good news? You can let go of perfectionism.

Let’s learn how—and why—it’s time to overcome perfectionism and reclaim your life.

What is Perfectionism, and How Does It Show Up?

Perfectionism is sneaky. It looks like high standards, but it’s really fear wearing a fancy outfit. Fear of failure. Fear of judgement. Fear of not being good enough.

It shows up everywhere. Maybe it’s triple-checking your work. Or avoiding something new because you’re scared it won’t be perfect. Perfectionism doesn’t just push you to do your best. It demands you avoid all mistakes.

For me, it started early. As a kid, my socks had to be the same height. Not close. Not “good enough.” Exactly the same. If they weren’t, I’d stop and fix them. Over and over. It wasn’t about the socks. It was about control. Getting things right felt safe.

And then there was my dad. He had a favorite saying: “If a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.” Told you perfectionism runs in the family! Those words stuck with me. They were meant to inspire effort, but to me, they became a rule. A way to measure whether I was good enough.

Does this sound familiar? Maybe you grew up hearing, “If you’re going to do something, do it perfectly.” Or maybe perfectionism whispers, “If it’s not perfect, you’ll disappoint someone.”

But here’s the truth: perfectionism isn’t about being your best. It’s about proving yourself to others.. And that’s exhausting. Let’s figure out where this comes from—because understanding it is the first step to letting it go.

Where Does Perfectionism Come From?

Perfectionism doesn’t happen overnight. It’s shaped by experiences, societal messages, and personality traits. For many, it’s closely tied to people-pleasing—the drive to meet others’ expectations and earn approval. Let’s explore where this tendency comes from.

Childhood Expectations: The Seeds of Perfectionism

For many of us, perfectionism starts in childhood. The expectations placed on us—by teachers, parents, or society—set the tone early.

In school, we learned that mistakes weren’t just wrong; they were unacceptable. For me, it was drilled in—literally. If we made more than three mistakes in our handwritten essays, we were caned. Yes, really. Every letter had to be perfect. Fear of failure became second nature, and success wasn’t about learning; it was about avoiding punishment.

At home, the message was similar. “If a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right,” my dad would say. That phrase shaped how I approached everything. On one hand, it taught me the value of effort. On the other, it sent the message that anything less than perfect wasn’t worth doing at all.

Over time, perfectionism became my safety net. It felt like the only way to stay out of trouble, earn praise, and keep people happy. But this drive to avoid mistakes often came hand-in-hand with self-doubt, fueling feelings of inadequacy—hallmarks of imposter syndrome. These patterns reinforced each other, creating a belief that my value depended entirely on getting everything right. (You can read more about this connection in my blog on imposter syndrome.)

People-Pleasing: The Invisible Partner to Perfectionism

Here’s the thing about perfectionism: it’s not just about doing things well. It’s also about how others see you.

As kids, we might have learned that being perfect was the best way to avoid criticism—or worse, disappointment. Maybe we noticed that praise came faster when we got everything right, and rejection followed when we didn’t. These experiences teach us to tie our self-worth to approval from others.

Even as adults, perfectionism often serves the same purpose. It becomes a way to manage relationships and avoid conflict. If everything is perfect, people won’t get upset. If we do everything “right,” we’ll finally feel loved, accepted, and valued.

Cultural Messages: The Pressure to Be Perfect Everywhere

Social media and society push perfectionism even further. Everywhere we look, we see perfect lives, flawless skin, spotless homes, and seamless careers. Of course, these are curated highlights, not reality—but it doesn’t always feel that way.

It’s easy to think, “If they can do it, why can’t I?” The pressure to measure up is constant. Society often rewards perfectionism, too. The perfect report gets the promotion. The flawless dinner party gets the compliments. It’s no wonder we feel like being perfect is the only path to success and approval.

Personality Traits: Why Some People Are More Prone to Perfectionism

Certain personality traits make perfectionism more likely. If you’re naturally detail-oriented or highly empathetic, you might be more susceptible.

• Detail-Oriented Individuals: Some people are wired to focus on precision. They notice the small things—typos, uneven lines, or slightly off-center pictures. While this trait can be a strength, it can also lead to overthinking and an obsession with getting everything “just right.”
• Empaths and People-Pleasers: Empaths are deeply in tune with the emotions of others. They feel other people’s joy, sadness, or disappointment as if it were their own. For empaths, perfectionism often becomes a shield. If everything’s perfect, no one gets upset. If they do everything “right,” they can prevent conflict and keep others happy.

This combination of traits and tendencies can create a powerful pull toward perfectionism. It feels like the safest way to stay in control and avoid letting anyone down.

Perfectionism and people-pleasing often weave together, creating a tight web that’s hard to escape. They promise protection from failure, judgment, or rejection—but in reality, they keep us stuck. Let’s take a closer look at what this mindset costs us.

The Costs of Perfectionism

Perfectionism might seem like a positive trait. It drives you to work hard, stay organized, and strive for excellence. But beneath the surface, it takes a heavy toll—on your mental health, relationships, and even your ability to enjoy life.

Burnout: The Exhaustion of Doing Too Much

Perfectionism doesn’t let you rest. Every task becomes an endless effort to get everything just right. Instead of feeling proud of what you accomplish, you’re stuck chasing an impossible standard.

For me, it wasn’t just big projects that wore me down—it was the little things. I used to have a gallery wall going up the stairs in my house. Every picture was carefully aligned. Perfectly spaced. Absolutely symmetrical. My daughters knew how much I cared about it, so when they wanted to annoy me, they’d tilt a picture frame—just slightly.

I couldn’t let it go. I would rush to fix it, only to find another frame out of place. They thought it was hilarious. I didn’t. Looking back, I can laugh now, but at the time, it was exhausting. That hyper-focus on perfect details seeped into everything I did, leaving little energy for what truly mattered.

Anxiety: The Fear of Getting It Wrong

Living with perfectionism means living with constant worry. What if I make a mistake? What will people think?

This fear drives you to triple-check emails, hesitate before sharing ideas, and overanalyze every decision. Instead of feeling confident, you’re trapped by the need to avoid failure. For me, even relaxing at home wasn’t peaceful. My mind was always racing, replaying what I could have done better or planning how to “perfect” the next task.

Strained Relationships: The Weight of People-Pleasing

Perfectionism doesn’t just affect you—it impacts your relationships, too.

As a people-pleaser, I wanted everyone to be happy. I’d go out of my way to avoid conflict or disappointment. But over time, I realized that constantly putting others first created resentment. I wasn’t being honest about my needs, and I felt undervalued.

On the other hand, perfectionism also made me overly critical. I expected others to care about details as much as I did. If they didn’t, I’d get frustrated—even though I knew it wasn’t fair. The tilted pictures on my gallery wall? They were my daughters’ way of reminding me to loosen up. And honestly, they were right.

Lack of Trust: The Need to Control Everything

Perfectionism and trust don’t go hand in hand. When you’re a perfectionist, you believe no one else can meet your standards.

I used to think, “If I want something done right, I’ll just do it myself.” That might sound efficient, but it’s not. Refusing to delegate added unnecessary stress to my life. It wasn’t just about avoiding mistakes—I didn’t trust anyone else to care about the details the way I did.

This ties back to being detail-oriented. While noticing the little things can be a strength, perfectionism twists it into an obsession with control. It’s a lonely way to live.

Lost Opportunities: The Paralysis of Perfectionism

Perfectionism doesn’t just slow you down—it can stop you in your tracks. The fear of producing something less than perfect leads to procrastination and missed chances.

How many times have you thought, “I’m not ready,” or, “It’s not good enough yet”? That mindset can hold you back from taking risks, trying new things, or pursuing your dreams. Instead of moving forward, you stay stuck in the cycle of overthinking.

Health Impacts: The Hidden Toll

The stress of perfectionism doesn’t just drain your energy—it impacts your health. Chronic worry can lead to insomnia, headaches, and even physical burnout. Mentally, it increases anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and feelings of inadequacy.

For me, perfectionism kept me in a state of constant tension. Even when I wasn’t actively working on something, I was thinking about it. Planning, refining, and replaying. It left me exhausted and robbed me of the ability to simply enjoy life.

The Bottom Line: Perfectionism Costs More Than It Gives

Perfectionism promises a lot: success, approval, and control. But the reality is different. It leaves you burned out, anxious, and disconnected—from others and from yourself.

The good news? You don’t have to live this way. In the next section, we’ll explore what life looks like when you let go of perfectionism—and how you can start making that shift today.

What Life Looks Like Without Perfectionism

I’ll never forget the moment I realized perfectionism wasn’t serving me. I was sitting with a friend of mine—the most laid-back person I know. For her, life is meant to be easy. If something feels too hard, she doesn’t force it. She simply finds someone else to help or lets it go entirely.

At first, her approach baffled me. “You don’t feel bad about that?” I asked. She just laughed and said, “Why would I? It’s not worth my peace.”

Here’s the thing: she’s one of the most joyful people I know. Watching her live so freely made me question my own habits. Why was I spending so much time obsessing over details and trying to get everything perfect when it wasn’t bringing me happiness? Her ease and confidence showed me there was another way—a better way.

Freedom from Overthinking

Letting go of perfectionism means giving yourself permission to stop overanalyzing. Imagine finishing a task and feeling done, instead of constantly tweaking and refining. You’d have more time to spend on what really matters—family, hobbies, rest.

My friend is proof of this. She spends her days focused on what she loves, not on things she feels obligated to perfect. Her mantra, “Everything is always working out for me,” frees her from overthinking. And because she believes it, her energy flows into what she truly cares about—and the rest really does work out.

Stronger Relationships

Without perfectionism, you can connect more authentically with others. People-pleasing fades away, and you stop trying to be everything for everyone. Instead, you show up as your true self—imperfections and all.

When I started letting go of my need to control everything, I noticed a shift in my relationships. I became more present and less critical. I stopped worrying about whether I was doing enough and started focusing on simply being there for the people I love.

Peace of Mind

Perfectionism keeps you in a constant state of stress. Without it, life feels lighter. You’re not carrying the weight of trying to meet impossible standards.

My friend’s laugh, her joy, her sense of calm—it’s all tied to her ability to let go. She doesn’t let the little things bother her because she trusts her mantra: “Everything is always working out for me.” That peace radiates into every part of her life.

More Energy for What Matters

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you focus your energy where it counts. You set boundaries, prioritize your goals, and stop wasting time on things that don’t truly matter.

When I began to release my perfectionist tendencies, I found I had more energy—not just physically but emotionally too. Instead of worrying about perfect gallery walls or flawless work presentations, I started spending more time with my family, pursuing hobbies, and enjoying the things I’d been missing.

The Possibility of Joy

At its core, letting go of perfectionism opens the door to joy. You can embrace life as it is—messy and imperfect—and find happiness in the process.

If my friend has taught me anything, it’s that joy doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from letting go. From trusting yourself. From believing, like she does, that “Everything is always working out for me.” And it really can.

In the next section, we’ll explore practical steps to help you let go of perfectionism and start living with more ease, freedom, and joy.

How to Let Go of Perfectionism

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of unlearning old habits and beliefs. But with small, intentional steps, you can shift away from the need to be perfect and toward a life filled with ease and authenticity. Here’s how to get started:

1. Recognize Where Perfectionism Shows Up

The first step is awareness. Start noticing the moments when perfectionism takes over. Are you rechecking your work again and again? Avoiding something because you’re afraid it won’t be perfect?

Ask yourself:

• What am I afraid will happen if this isn’t perfect?
• Who am I trying to please?

These questions help uncover the fears and people-pleasing tendencies driving your perfectionism.

2. Challenge Your Inner Critic

Perfectionism thrives on self-criticism. It whispers, “You’re not good enough,” or “This isn’t ready yet.” The next time that voice pops up, challenge it.

Reframe your thinking with questions like:

• “What would ‘good enough’ look like?”
• “Does this really need to be perfect, or is it fine as it is?”

Remember, done is better than perfect.

3. Take Small Steps

Letting go of perfectionism can feel overwhelming, so start small. Choose a low-stakes area of your life and try being imperfect on purpose.

For me, it was wearing odd socks. I know, it sounds silly, but for someone who grew up needing everything to match, it was a big deal. The first time I walked out the door with mismatched socks, it felt so uncomfortable. I kept thinking everyone would notice—or judge me. But guess what? No one cared. And eventually, I didn’t either.

Taking small steps like this helps you build tolerance for imperfection and proves that the world doesn’t fall apart when things aren’t perfect.

4. Let Yourself Make Mistakes

Mistakes aren’t failures—they’re opportunities to learn and grow. But as perfectionists, we tend to fear them.

Try this exercise: deliberately do something imperfect. Leave a typo in a text. Send an email without triple-checking it. Watch how the world keeps turning, and notice how freeing it feels.

5. Set Boundaries and Say No

Perfectionists often overcommit, saying “yes” to every request to avoid disappointing others. Start practicing boundaries.

Before agreeing to something, pause and ask yourself:

• Do I really want to do this?
• Do I have the time and energy?

It’s okay to say no. In fact, it’s essential for protecting your mental health.

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6. Embrace “Good Enough”

Adopt the mantra: “Good enough is good enough.” Whether it’s your work, your home, or your relationships, let go of the need to do everything perfectly.

For example, if you’re cleaning the house, aim for tidy, not spotless. If you’re tackling a project, focus on progress, not perfection.

7. Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. When you make a mistake or fall short, resist the urge to beat yourself up.

Try affirmations like:

• “I am worthy even when I’m not perfect.”
• “It’s okay to make mistakes—I’m learning and growing.”

8. Use Tools Like EFT

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) can help release the emotions driving your perfectionism. Tapping on specific acupressure points while repeating affirmations can reduce anxiety and rewire your thought patterns.

9. Celebrate Your Progress

Each step you take is a victory. Celebrate the moments when you let go of perfectionism—even if it’s something small, like leaving the dishes until tomorrow or wearing mismatched socks.

Remind yourself that perfection isn’t the goal—progress is.

Letting go of perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about creating a life where you prioritize your goals, your well-being, and your happiness over unrealistic expectations. Start small, stay kind to yourself, and remember—you’re enough, just as you are.

In the next section, we’ll wrap up with a vision of what’s waiting for you on the other side of perfectionism—and why it’s worth taking the first step today.

Final Thoughts

Letting go of perfectionism isn’t about giving up or settling. It’s about choosing freedom over fear, progress over paralysis, and joy over stress. It’s about allowing yourself to show up as you are—imperfect, human, and absolutely enough.

Honestly, this website is my own attempt at letting go of perfectionism. When I launched it, I wanted every page, every word, every image to be flawless. But I realized that if I waited for perfect, it might never happen. So here it is—imperfect, but done. And that’s okay, because good enough is good enough.

Imagine your life without the weight of perfectionism. What could you achieve if you weren’t afraid to make mistakes? How much lighter would you feel if you stopped overthinking? What kind of connection could you build if you let people see the real, imperfect you?

It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Start small. Wear mismatched socks. Let a picture frame stay crooked. Leave the email draft after just one check. And with every step, remind yourself: “Good enough is good enough.”

You don’t have to do this alone. I’m here to help. If perfectionism is holding you back, consider booking a free EFT session with me. Together, we’ll work through the emotions and beliefs that keep you stuck and create a plan to help you move forward.

Your next chapter doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to start. So take that first step—today. Share your thoughts in the comments, or connect with me for personalized coaching.

The freedom to live, love, and create without fear is waiting for you. You’ve got this.